Actually, it IS Rocket Science

Category Archive

The following is a list of all entries from the Most Brilliant Person Alive category.

Matter of opinion

Another thrilling installment of a conversation with The Most Brilliant Person Alive:


MBPA:  Which is the best?  High gloss paper or matte resumé stock?

Ashlin:  Trick question:  The answer to the question “Which is the best” will always be “brownies.”  I also would have accepted “Super Mario Kart.”

MBPA:  …

Ashlin:  Because brownies and Super Mario Kart are the best things in the world?

MBPA:  …

Ashlin:  It’s a joke.



Ashlin:  I give up.  I give the fuck up.


At the movies

And now, another fascinating conversation with The Most Brilliant Person Alive:


MBPA:  We went to see that new movie over the weekend.

Ashlin:  Yeah?  How was it?  I’ve been wanting to check it out.

MBPA:  It was crap.

Ashlin:  Whaaaa?

MBPA:  Crap, crap, crap.

Ashlin:  Aw man.  I was hoping it was gonna be good.

MBPA:  It was so bad, we asked for a refund.

Ashlin:  Seriously?

MBPA:  I’m not gonna pay for a waste of my time.

Ashlin:  You walked out of the movie?

MBPA:  Well, no!  That’s why I said, it was a complete waste of my time!

Ashlin:  Wait.  You asked for a refund…

MBPA:  Yeah!  I told you, it was crap!

Ashlin:  But you asked for it after having watched the movie.

MBPA:  So?

Ashlin:  In its entirety?


Ashlin:  SO, when you eat an entire three course meal at somewhere fancy, do you demand a refund once you’ve finished that because the appetizer was too chewy?

MBPA:  This is completely different.

Ashlin:  How.  You tell me right now how it’s different.

MBPA:  It’s more like buying a tie that doesn’t fit well once you bring it home.  You wear it, it doesn’t look good; you get a refund.

Ashlin:  You consumed.  You can’t return the movie you viewed.

MBPA:  Noooo, no.  It’s different than that.

Ashlin:  You know what?  Agree to disagree.  I’m hearing this going into Seinfeld territory and I don’t feel like going there with you.

Loaded gun

And now.  Another installment of a conversation with the Most Brilliant Person Alive.


MBPA:  You worked at a toy store?  What was that like?

Ashlin:  Oh, it was all right; it had it’s moments.  Sometimes we were allowed to play with a bunch of new toys that hadn’t been marketed yet.  There was this really cool thing called an “Airzooka” that we had a blast with.

MBPA: An “Airzooka?”

Ashlin:  Yeah.  It was a pretty simplistic model of a handheld air cannon.  It had a plastic tube with a bungee on one end and you pulled it back to release this highly concentrated ball of air wherever you directed it.

MBPA:  Whoa.  That’s pretty cool.

Ashlin: It was pretty cool; someone could do it from really far away and you could still feel it go right through you.

MBPA:  Like chili?

Ashlin:  I… …shit.  Well playyyyed, nastyass.

Come with me if you want to live

(ED. NOTE!!  It was just brought to my recollection that this IS, in fact, bad Sitcom Gold!  And holy shit if it’s not a perfect example of MBPA and mine’s friendship, neatly rolled into a one minute clip.  You know, without the chipped tooth. See below original post)

With the news that’s circulating the pop culture drag race right now, I’m reminded of another priceless conversation a few years ago with The Most Brilliant Person Alive.

You need to trust that I am not, nor have I ever fabricated or elaborated any of these conversations.  I say that because what I’m about to explain to you, by most other standards, would be considered the stuff of bad sitcom gold.

We came across a young woman who introduced herself to us and explained she was on temporary exchange from her job in Austria.  We all exchanged niceties, and the girl moved along to do other things.  The Most Brilliant Person Alive and I then went back to our convseration:

MBPA:  Wow, she doesn’t even really have an accent.

Ashlin:  Hehe, what, were you expecting her to sound like AH-nold?

MBPA:  Huh??

Ashlin:  You know… “Eeet’s naht a tumahhh.”

MBPA:  …

Ashlin: “Ahl bee bach.”  You know.  “Hasta la veesta, bebeh.”

MBPA:  …Nnno.  I was thinking more like… “G’Day, MATE!”

Ashlin:  …

MBPA:  You know!  …”Crikey!”…??

Ashlin:  (oooooohhhhhnononono)

UPDATE!:  I have a new found respect for Dumb & Dumber.  Although it is a bit eerie the similarities.  (Thanks, Jason!)


In between writing papers for class and installing a truly offensive-sounding motion sensor in my apartment because I may or may not be losing my everloving mind and could be fast approaching becoming one of those hyper paranoid aficionado’s simply because I found my washer open without opening it myself, I fall back on past conversations with The Most Brilliant Person Alive, and bask in the glow of the ridiculous outcomes of our discussions.

MBPA:  So I went to the store this weekend and d’you know what’s in season right now?!

Ashlin:  No, what?


Ashlin:  Ha.  Yeah, I love it when you can get fresh corn for cheap.

MBPA:  YEAH!  I bought a half dozen of it for a buck!

Ashlin:  That’s pretty nice!  You should make a salsa or a chowder out of them.

MBPA:  Oh no, that won’t be happening…  Do you want to know something?

Ashlin:  …what?…

MBPA:  …I ate 5 ears of them last night.

Ashlin:  …

MBPA:  They were just THAT good!

Ashlin:  You ate…

MBPA: … 😀

Ashlin:  You ate FIVE ears of corn… …  In one sitting?

MBPA:  Yeah, well, I had some steak along with it.

Ashlin:  DUDE.

MBPA:  Well, I had to balance it out.  Protein, you know?

Ashlin:  Uh…

MBPA:  They were just so good!  I couldn’t stop myself.

Ashlin:  Really.

MBPA:  Uh… Yeah.

Ashlin:  Well why didn’t you just go for broke?!   Why’d you leave one off??

MBPA:  Well… I mean… …I have to moderate.

Ashlin:  … (I can’t even… what?)

The once and future McQueen

In lieu of doing backflips in discussion of  The Royal Wedding, I guess I’ll throw a bone in its general direction by addressing an instance that plays into the 6 degrees of separation from it.  Follow me, if you will:  Some wedding went down recently that got more publicity than the inauguration; the bride’s dress got more publicity than the Oscars; the dress’ designer, Sarah Burton, got more publicity than the Fukushima Reactor; Sarah Burton works for the late Alexander McQueen line; The Most Brilliant Person Alive, mentioned before here, once addressed Alexander McQueen’s passing with me; I fully intend on having a marriage one day which garners more publicity than the inauguration, the Oscars, and the Fukushima reactor combined (totally do-able).  AND WE’VE COME FULL CIRCLE.

MBPA:  Did you hear?  Alexander McQueen died!

Ashlin:  Yeah, I heard.  Pretty crummy.

MBPA:  Do you know how it happened?

Ashlin:  He killed himself, didn’t he?


Ashlin:  Yeah.  Makes it even worse, doesn’t it?  I can’t imagine how depressed he must have been to have done that.

MBPA:  That’s sad.

Ashlin:  I know.

MBPA:  I mean …If you kill yourself, it means you don’t like yourself. … …Very much.

Ashlin: … … …(oh holy henry)

Things that make you go fffuuu

I had the opportunity to meet the most brilliant person alive about three years ago (ed. note: and dealt with him for the continuing three years until I finally moved out to California, so think about THAT while reading).

Most Brilliant Person Alive:  You know what I’m worried about?  North Korea.  Why isn’t anyone talking about THEM on the news?

Ashlin:  But they are.  They’re talking the crap out of North Korea on the news.

MBPA:  But not enough.  I think we should all be informed on the nucular threat North Korea has.

Ashlin:  … Wait. … Say that again?

MBPA:  What?  North Korea?

Ashlin:  No. What threat?

MBPA:  Nucular threat?

Ashlin: …

MBPA:  See what I’m talking about?  You don’t even KNOW about it!

Ashlin:  No… No. I’m very aware.  Just do something really fast for me.  Say “nuclear threat” again.

MBPA:  Nucular threat.

Ashlin:  NOPE.  Say it again.

MBPA: … Nuc-u-lar threat.

Ashlin:  You know you’re saying it wrong, yeah?

MBPA:  What?

Ashlin:  Nuclear.  You’re putting an extra “u” in the middle of it.  You’re saying it like a hill person out of “Deliverance.”  You’re saying it like George Dubya.

MBPA:  Nuc-u-lar.

Ashlin:  Say “New”

MBPA:  New.

Ashlin:  Say “Clear”

MBPA:  Clear.

Ashlin: Say “New” “Clear”

MBPA:  Nuc-u-lar.