Actually, it IS Rocket Science

Pid-ass phone

I think I mentioned before that my phone is going through its final stages of a terminal disease known as planned obsolescence.  It’s lived a good life, though.  Six years!  Including multiple drops from daring heights without a net and several circumstances involving full saturation.  I’ve had pet snails who lived shorter, less effected and impactful lives than this phone.

Which is why it’s not hard to see that we bonded.  And why I have been so opposed to getting it changed out.

In addition to the crappiness that is witnessing a best friend waste away before you, my phone has been equally confounded by the fact that apparently I have lost any and all cell reception in my area.  That’s just pouring salt on the snail wound.

According to my provider, this is due to an apparent obstruction in my area.  How descriptive.  An “obstruction.”  That’s so helpful.

Can’t wait to see how they describe my physical assault on them when they don’t fix the problem.

So for the past several weeks, my phone conversations have gone from coherent to absolute batshit in a matter of minutes, due to the comedic timing my reception seems to have at any given moment.  Funny enough, in fact, that I thought I’d share with you a result of said receptive temperament, as described below:

What was actually said:

Friend:  I got one of those ab rollers.

Ashlin:  You did? No shit?  How is it?

Friend:  Huh?  Dude.  Really hard.

Ashlin:  You think it will work?

Friend:  What??  Oh. I don’t know.  My knees are killing me right now.

Ashlin:  Ohhhh.  I didn’t even think of that.

Friend:  Ashlin, I can barely hear you.

Ashlin:  Shit, sorry.  Stupid ass phone.

Friend:  But yeah.  But I used some Aspercreme on them and that seemed to help afterward.

Ashlin:  … Whut?


What it came out as (I have confirmed this with the other speaker via chat log later)

Friend:  I got… ab roller…

Ashlin:  You… Shit?

Friend:  Huh?  Dude… ‘ard.

Ashlin:  You thin… … will work?

Friend:  I don’t kn… My knees are… ‘illing me…

Ashlin:  Ohh… think of…

Friend:  Ashli- … can barely… ‘ear you.

Ashlin:  Shit.  Sorry… Pid-ass phone.

Friend:  … Yeah… I used…. Ass… creme… on them… help afterward.

Ashlin:  … … Whut?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: