Actually, it IS Rocket Science



Video killed the graduate student

Gonna be a short one today because as mentioned before I’m in the throws of finals and at this point my brain is sort of… um.  howdoyousaaaayyy… dead?  Braindead?  Is that a familiar term?  Anybody?

Fun fact!  My mind is actually working on nothing short of a chemical reaction much like that of what happens when muscle nerves and sodium chloride interact and you’re left with these odd Frankensteinian twitches with a disembodied frog leg (Careful:  not for the squeemish).

So, yeah, come Friday somebody’s gonna need a BIG glass of chillthefuckout.

What’s odd is that when I take breaks from studying and writing and the like, I tend to opt for something less normal than sitting outside and enjoying the peacefulness of the world around me.  No.  No, I, in fact, choose instead to watch episodes of various tales of individuals who are so screwed up it merits hilarity without really putting that much effort into doing so.

Mostly I’m catching up on episodes of things like Curb Your Enthusiasm and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (thanks to my dear friend Melissa for the introduction).

Now, I know these shows are fictional.  Which would normally mean that I shouldn’t hold any redemptive faith in them in any sort of misery-loves-company sense of the phrase.  But here’s my counter to that:  SOMEONE came up with their bizarre and borderline-PSYCHO-at-times plot lines.  And judging by the content of some of their material, whomsoever came up with it is obviously more cuckoo than I’ll ever have the chance of being.  Because these storylines are also capable of remaining humorous, and at times, downright laughable.  Guys, that’s a LOT coming from a girl who once got dumped by a guy because I didn’t laugh aloud at his favorite sitcom (I’m certain it was that and had nothing to do with my inability to be  someone open to sharing my emotions… at all).  In fact, I rarely laugh out loud at ANY fictional television program.  I appreciate its humor, yes, but if I could liken it to anything, it would be like watching Titanic and slipping into a 6 month depression over Jack’s death; I GET it.  I just don’t suspend disbelief enough to get into a show that much.

Then there are the shows that are NONfictional and basically just make me (as well as just about anyone else) feel better in sheer comparison.  These are the shows like Hoarders, My Strange Addiction, and (Wait for it) I Didn’t Know I was PREGNANT.  Holy shit, you guys.  I’m just gonna stop there because if you don’t know which shows I’m referencing then you need to close this window immediately and get yourself to the nearest television, hulu, netflix, whathaveyou, and educate yourself.  This is the stuff of absolute Gitmo solitary-induced hallucinations.

You know what?  I’ll save you the time.  Just make sure you’ve got your SPF Lunatic on.  Did you get your back?  Get your back.  No, really, the batshit is really bad down here.

________

(admittedly:  I totally fell for the previous parody, which you can find here.  But I failed to watch anything past the 10 second mark, which put me in dangerous territory.  Possibly part of me wanted someone to truly be addicted to huffing gum.  I’m seeking counseling for that.  Or for sheer laziness.  Probably the latter.)

________

“Dogs, cats… A chinchilla… We’re about to bring the pig out right now.”

________

If you call yourself a doctor and you can’t tell the difference between gas and a pregnancy, maybe you shouldn’t be commenting on a network television program.  But I’m no professional.

Also, when you’re told by a health care representative that this is “not no bladder infection”, that’s technically a double negative, and you should also probably consider getting a second opinion, pronto.

________

Now, to be clear, I know I’m going to get a lot of flack because I’m training to become a therapist so that I can HELP people. But here’s the thing:  These people are not my patients.  If they were I would make sure to protect them and abide by the strict and well-needed HPI and HIPAA enforced limitations.  At the same time, I am also fully aware that by signing on to doing shows like these, everyone on these programs are offering their individual story as an educational enforcer (excepting the middle video.  That person was offered some aid at some point and refused it, I’m sure of this. {Seriously, you can’t house barn animals in your home without someone noticing}).  That also means that by doing so they might make themselves veritable fish food for the rest of the media and its consumers. Which also means that they will be found on youtube and thrown into ridiculous blog entries by people like me.

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