Actually, it IS Rocket Science



Early signs of a rocket scientist

Homemade science experiments throughout the years:

Around 3 or 4 years old I was enrolled by my parents in a music class called “Kindermusik” where I was introduced to basic musical instruments and rudiments of musical style.  I got in trouble because I was determined to find out what was inside my maracas by beating them relentlessly on a hard surface.

I wondered what would happen if I swung upside down on the monkey bars for an entire recess period.  My teacher, Kevin, had to pull me down after my legs seized up after the whistle had been blown to come back inside and I couldn’t move.

In first grade we were learning the basics of Mandarin Chinese and I figured I could just string along any set of phonemes and make a sentence, so I tried to have a conversation with our only Asian student in class.  Who was Korean.

Around 7 years old, I put a wad of gum under my parent’s computer desk to see how long it would take for them to notice.  I later rediscovered it myself.  Note: Don’t leave gum under a desk for three years. You know, unless you like a crater of deterioration in your woodwork.

I purposefully put two cd’s into my cd player to see if they would play an early version of what we now refer to as mashups.

When I noticed a small trail of ants in my bedroom one day, I wanted to see if they preferred salty or sweet foods, so I left out crumbled up cheezits and a half sucked on jolly rancher to see which they preferred. (Note:  Ants. LOVE. Jolly Ranchers.)

After having heard of the corrosive effects of Coca-Cola I was speculative and so I accidentally destroyed one of my mom’s earrings; I really didn’t think it would work.

I heard that repetitive auditory learning can be extremely effective in processing information, so I didn’t practice piano for a week and instead listened to the piece of music.  Right before a public recital.

At 13 years old I melted the end of a shoelace to see if it would A) melt, or B) catch on fire.  It melted.  Wait, no, I should explain it became an uncontrollable force that only needed a quick flame as a catalyst and proceeded to melt without abandon and transform into a molten dripping lava beast hellbent on destruction.  At the same time, I heard my mom coming upstairs toward my room while I was doing this so I figured the best thing I could do would be to stop the magma flow, so I frantically searched for any water source I could find, which I had been smart enough NOT to have supplied before my experiment.  Instead, the liquified plastic accidentally put itself out ON MY FINGERNAIL AND TWO FINGERS and solidified instantly, mutilating my right pinky to a deformed tragedy.  The scar remains today.  My mom still has no idea.  She probably does now.

I heard that a good way to measure I.Q. on dogs was to drape a towel over their head and count how long it took them to get it off.  I let the family dog walk head first square into the wall before realizing I should probably take it off.

After standing up too abruptly and knocking the top of my head into an exposed nail on an extremely lowered ceiling, not enough to cause concussion but enough to draw blood, I decided to instead of possibly getting it checked out to wait it out and see what lock jaw might actually feel like if it came to it.  Luckily for me, it didn’t.

And a couple of weeks ago, when I ran out of time to wash a sweater that I wanted to wear but was covered in animal hair from a recent trip, I tried to see what carpet cleaner and a vacuum could do to fix it up in enough time.  Note:  it didn’t. The sweater ended up smelling like fake chemical lavender and soggy pet, and I wound up wearing an annoying cardigan instead.

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Comments

  1. * kimbelly says:

    Wow.
    This is classic stand-up material here, Ash.
    I actually laughed out loud when I read about Tracker bumping into the wall and grimaced at the thought of you getting lockjaw.
    But then again, I always admired you for your independent thinking, even when you were 9!

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 2 months ago


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