Actually, it IS Rocket Science



Did anyone else ever realize how weird it was that his best friend’s name was “Boner”?

I’ve already been well-introduced to the idea implanted by Harold Camping as to the coming Judgment Day, rather unexpectedly, if I must admit, but hey!  Some things come in surprising and unexpected packages, like finding out you’re getting more back in your tax return, or running into a bible-beater at a nearby conglom-o-mart.

So if any of you kids are planning on being swept up by His Righteousness tomorrow, I’ll leave you with this (& I’m just throwing this out there, but it does tend to come across as juuuust a little pretentious of you for assuming that you’ve lived such a pious lifestyle, but whatevah).  And for the rest of us who are no doubt doomed to spend the end of days on this earth and deal in the anticipation of those sassy four Horsemen of Britney Spears upskirt photos the Apocalypse which I could only describe in the most flamboyantly fey-ish and therefore eternally damned exclamation of “SUUU-PERRRRRR!!!!” I will offer the most completely incomprehensible interview I ever viewed on a national news broadcasting company between a journalist who I once held at slightly higher regard than his cohorts and an Eighties Sitcom Teen Idol who I never really gave two shits about:

I am, of course, referring to an interview between Anderson Cooper and Kirk Cameron I stumbled onto several month ago; you know, when birds were falling out of the sky in masses and fish were washing up dead on nearly all of our shores in droves, and we all chose to disregard the fact that these things happen all the time and instead decided to throw a shitfest like that time in 1st grade where you were all sure there was someone sitting outside of your slumber party?

Before having watched the video, I had a very nonexistent opinion of Kirk Cameron, nor knowledge for that matter, aside from the fact that he was probably the only avid Christian to rock the Jew fro and still make it as a heartthrob.  And Anderson Cooper, well, let’s just admit the dude has one of those Sean Connory faces; I don’t give a flying crap how much grey he has on top of his head, that guy looked more established than the Sistine.

Until I saw this:

(Wonderful, you have to click on the link to watch it.  Whatever.  It’s worth it.  Do it.)

“Firstly I think that they should call A VETERINARIAN.”  Cameron 1; Cooper zip.

“I think it’s really silly to try to equate birds falling out of the sky with some kind of an end-times theory”

I could go on and on.  The clear message I’m trying to convey is that things changed that day.  I showed someone that smile again.

Cameron even brought the topic of such a hyperbolic possibility down to more realistic viewpoint of the more relevant issues at hand such as the economy, politics, and the like, which have been completely circumvented before by other idiots celebrities…

(1:50 mark is the best place to start if you’re in a hurry to get to your next internet bullshitting site.)

All I’m saying is this: I’m hosting a Sunday brunch over here and if you can’t make it, well that’s your own deal.  But consider this; if you’re really considering being chosen as a Rapture baby- think about that line you’ll have to get through.  You think you’re the only one being called up to heaven?  The best clubs have the toughest bouncers, babycakes. You’ll be at the equivalent of the Detroit City DMV while I’ll be grabbing some more hollandaise to slather on my poached eggs.  Calories?  Fuck that noise.  I’m about to baste in hell.  Do you know what heat therapy does for breaking down fat cells?

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