Actually, it IS Rocket Science



She thinks SHE’S the passionate one

Not sure if you guys have noticed, but there’s a new phylum of viral video taxonomy that’s been hitting the media streets hard lately- have you heard of it?  It’s the “Brawl” videos?  And I’m telling you, they’re EVERYWHERE.

Usually they begin with the brawl already in session via the hand held apparatus from an outside party- however once in a while a bystander is wise enough to see the proper ingredients for such an event, like an amateur meteorologist, and turns his camera on early (it’s more than likely always a guy.  You can tell because he usually laughs or make some lame-ass remark about how he’s going to put it on youtube later).  And it usually takes place really late in the evening when people are coming down from whatever endorphin-releasing additive they’ve been surging on, and when the tension rises, the kids go all flipping tortured vindictive pitbull on one another.  Please refer to Fig. x and Fig. pb&j for supplemental information:

(Fig. x-the description of this video is hilarious: “when pancakes get REAL”)

(Fig. peanutbuttajelly- I named it a pointless figure because it’s a pretty pointless display of human behavior)

What’s bizarr-o to me is that the majority of them take place in diners.  I recently discussed this phenomenon with a friend- we both had a hard time relating to this.  We spent those late night diner scenarios with the lackadaisical haze of contented pacifism- all I usually ever wanted was a cup of coffee with WAY too much sugar in it.  But now- geez.  All those poor Denny’s and IHOP employees.  HOWEVER- take notice that I’ve not yet seen a Waffle House Brawl video yet-  you know why??  My theory is that Waffle House don’t fuck around.  The bar for employee intake at Waffle House may be set at that alchemic point, like that magic temperature that you can’t physically tell if something is cold or hot (all those who went to any children’s museums growing up know what I’m talking about), and WH employees might just put up with simply the right amount of bullshit before they draw the line and then the clientele is backhanded like the undertipping brats they are.

This theory may or may not hold up if tested, but remains the reason for my undying love and respect for that place, their employees, and one nation, under smothered-covered hashbrowns, indivisable, with coffee and sugar for all.

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Comments

  1. * perpetualnervousness says:

    This is what happens when you start serving Maple Bacon Sundaes. Damn kids, getting hopped up on sugar and meat!

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 4 months ago
  2. * Airamay says:

    I am obsessed with Waffle House! I am looking forward to my road trip this summer because I will get to eat at one. Yes, I already looked it up on mapquest because this is how I roll. This proves another reason why we are friends:)

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 4 months ago


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