Actually, it IS Rocket Science

The Soothsayer

Kevin was awesome.  Kevin played the fiddle like murder.  Yeah.  THAT intense.  Kevin had a beard before it was deemed cool or even appropriate for the workplace and kicked some major ass.

Kevin had no last name and will never have a last name.

Kevin was overweight but didn’t give a sky-diving shit about it.  Neither did we.  Kevin turned the room into New Year’s Eve 2012 and placated all the people who were still subscribing to the Mayan calendar.  Kevin met us at the public pool, stripped down to his boardshort skivvies and challenged us to beat our fear of the high dive, successfully.

Kevin brought his fiddle to class and played the shit out of it.  We danced like goddamned idiots because the guy might as well have listened to a Charlie Daniels album and and taken a crap on it.

One day Kevin told us that he had a friend who was going to come in the next day and tell us our fortunes. We couldn’t believe it.  To date, the most advanced technology we’d experienced was a Teddy Ruxbin and holy hell if that news wasn’t as good as learning  Stephen Hawking had recently stood up and  began breakdancing in front of us by today’s standards.

The door opened and in walked “Eddie Spaghetti.”  We were so worked up before the moment came that a lot of us bolted toward the door as soon as it opened.  Nathaniel reached him first and was thus the first one to call phony.  He slouched and turned abruptly, offering a heavy sigh and sagged shoulders, mumbling, “There’s no Eddie.  That’s just Kevin,” and proceeded to turn his arms into windmills and turbine into the block creation Danielle had made prior.  I laughed quietly because Danielle was a friggin bitch, even if I didn’t have the vernacular enough to admit it yet.

Eddie wore a cartoonish turban and a TON of costume jewelry rings.  He slouched into Kevin’s usual seat and asked each one of us to come up so he could read our palms.  He told Ashley Kombacher that she would have five children and that she would be a great pilot.  He told  Brandywine that she would have 4 children and that she would make a million dollars.  Then he called me up.  I was embarrassed because I had only pretended to wash my hands after recess.

Edward took my hand and investigated the miniscule lines thoroughly.  He looked up at me and gravely said, “Ashlin.  You will only have TWO children in your lifetime… But do not fear, you will make a good living for yourself.” In his dramatic fashion, Eddie Spaghetti then sent me on my merry way to whatever activity was planned next, probably finger-paint driven.  I looked at my hand, inspected the lines that I was smart enough to know existed but not enough to interpret their inner meanings, thought about what had been said and considered, “I don’t want any kids. I don’t even want a brother or a sister.”  Apart from the fact that I already had a sister who I idolized, I didn’t want any more.  I just recognized then that even at 5 years old, I knew that adults don’t always have the right answers or tell the truth.  It didn’t bother me so much except that later in the year Danielle found fault with me for messing up her playground interpretation of Star Wars, stating that I was supposed to be one of her 7 children for the stage version to go off without a hitch.  I really didn’t care that much though.  I think I’ve already mentioned that Danielle was a bitch.


Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Early signs of a rocket scientist « Actually, it IS Rocket Science pingbacked on 7 years, 3 months ago
  2. Future Fictional Predictions for 2012 « Written on the Wind pingbacked on 6 years, 10 months ago


  1. * udmonlezun says:

    Wish I had something more profound to say….But my first thought (as I was lmao) was, You write like your Dad speaks! :-)))

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 6 months ago
  2. * Sandy says:

    I’m confused by this blogging business..HOWEVER… this was delightful to read.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 6 months ago

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